My little bag of sugar

Our baby on the inside weighs about 5 pounds, and I can feel each one of them. His movements are so strong lately- not forceful, but weighty. I think this experience of feeling him writhe inside my belly will be the main thing I miss about pregnancy...the rolls and quivers and hiccups are comforting, ethereal, and breathtaking. I think he wants to remind me that he's in there. (not that I’d forget! No chance of that!)


^ this video is way too long. Don’t watch it all cause after a minute you’ll feel creepy. But someday I know I’ll miss being pregnant and will watch this sentimentally. 

Such a change it will be to have him on the outside, in a world where he'll no longer be safely tucked inside my body- the only home he'll have known. I can't imagine the harshness of the contrast between the inside and the outside; experiencing hunger and cold; bright lights and unmuffled sounds for the first time. I want to soften that transition for him. I'm preparing myself to go into a sort of winter hibernation, where I'll have no plans other than hazily drifting from one period of wakefulness to the next as I learn how to take care of my new tiny boy. It will be a transition for both of us- all of us. I waver between feeling terrified and questioning, and thrilled and confident and capable. The fear that I'm fooling myself if I start feeling too confident or capable. It seems that babies are something you shouldn't assume you know anything about until you have one of your own. And so I wait- wondering about the unknown and ready to see for myself- and mostly- ready for change. 

 








     

I am definitely staying in tonight

I am so introverted that when I spend more than 2 consecutive hours at work interacting directly with people (e.g. today), it's like I hear alarm bells in my head telling me to retreat from battle. And then I go into my office and shut the door and pretend I'm really busy when I really just need time away from co-workers (who are the nicest people in the midwest, so it's hardly personal).  This is pretty much the case for all people, except close family members...I can be with family for probably 3 days at a time before needing time apart. I think Aaron is the only one I could be with for most hours of a day, 100 days in a row, and not feel a need to withdraw. I'm so curious to see what category my future children fit into???  Crossing my fingers for the 100 days one....but perhaps it will depend on whether their personalities are introverted or extroverted?  Is it possible for two introvert-leaning people to produce an extroverted child?  My parents are an interesting example- my dad was pretty much full extrovert, and my mom is about 80% introvert/20% extrovert.  Out of their 3 children, I am 95% introverted (from age 5 onward, I was completely content spending entire days in my room reading and writing in my journal), Matt is about 50/50%, and George is 100% extrovert. So based on that extremely small sample size, I would posit that genetics plays a role.  However, I cannot be certain (I think birth order is also hugely influential- in several families I knew growing up, the youngest child was the most social, while the oldest tended to be more quiet and studious). It will prove interesting to see what type of people we create someday.  (Is it wrong to hope they want to stay in every night? :) 

Ruminating

I have a theory that many of life's problems can be made to look manageable, silly, or insignificant if you envision that you're looking down at them from the top of the world's highest mountain.  For years now that's been my modus operandi. I think I figured that out when I was learning how to ski. The mountains somehow changed my life...

Aaron's been working from home a bit lately.  Even though I only work 1.9 miles away, it's been really hard not to bombard him with demands knowing he is so close, just sitting at the kitchen table (not 'just' sitting of course)-- "BRING ME FOOD".  "Do the dishes if you have a chance? :)"  (always an emoticon for good measure :)  "Meet me for lunch, ASAP".  "The weather says strong rainstorms and I forgot my raincoat...help!!!!!!!"   (That one is actually from today- there's even a tornado watch, my favorite! *Only my favorite if a tornado doesn't actually occur!)

The craziest rain just occurred outside my window- it was like the rain was trying to flood the earth in one minute's time. I only caught the tail-end of it on this video. You'll notice that I have a green thumb. (figuratively) (nay, sarcastically).



Good bye for today.

All I think about during the day...

...is what I'm cooking for dinner that night.  And what vegetables will need to be chopped. And also: what Aaron and I should watch on Netflix (though with two episodes of Downton Abbey series 3 left, that's not really a question). The question is more-- where? (couch, love-sac, or under the covers?) (and, popcorn?) And if we should exercise before or after. And if I can fit in some reading time. (in bed? Will my book light keep him awake if I try to read when I should be sleeping?)  And when is the earliest I can leave work to make it home and start (finally! oh the agony!) chopping the vegetables? (Will they notice if I leave at 5:30 when really I should leave at 6 because I got in late?)  What else is there to think about, really?*

*Ok fine, there's also babies. (ones that don't exist but yet invade my thoughts) And the burdens of others. But on the surface, is the paragraph above ^

That time the gate attendant made me grin

It was midnight after New Year's Day and we were catching the red-eye out of SLC. I was busy trying to hide my massive carry-on suitcase from the gate attendants.*

(*on every 1 out of 3 flights, give or take, they will yell at me and make me try to fit it into the carry-on size-checker [example] and it never fits, and then they make me check it, even though it easily fits in the space above the seats on the plane. grumble. I should insert a funny story here about the time Aaron grabbed the suitcase from the sizer, and ran away down the tunnel with the lady yelling after him, but you get the picture).  

Anyway, this time around, I handed my boarding pass to the attendant to scan (while using my body to shield my over-sized luggage), and he said,

"Ohhhhhhh Jennifer!  You look just like an ice cream cone!  How very sweet for the New Year!  Good bye Jennifer!"

And that was all it took, I smiled for like 6 minutes straight.
(and, p.s., made it on the plane with my luggage intact)

Winterlude, my little apple

Skiing footage turned into a silly, wintery montage.  

(December 2012 in Park City)