"My brain hurts. I don't know. I think too much...about everything. Egad. I'm really confused about a lot of stuff...I'm worried about starting and finishing my summer school work in time...I'm nervous about going to college- even though it's a year from now- but as of this second, I'm scared to death of going. Not so much
to college in general, but it's the far distance from home that gets me. I'd give anything for the college I'll likely attend to be located 200 miles from here, rather than 2,000. I adore my family and friends too much to only see them every couple of months. Dah. I've always been the 'mature' one, but I'm feeling quite the opposite these days. I'm assuming that in the upcoming months my feelings towards the future will become more optimistic, but nothing's certain. Wow, I sound so delightful, don't I? Please ignore the brooding vibe of all this because if you were to see me, I'd appear happy as anything. There's fun planned for this week, and I have a lot I'm looking forward to. I get a lot of sleep in the summer. That also makes me happy. I am content. But there's too much on my mind that shouldn't be there. But anyway...I like my life a whole heck of a lot. It's given me a lot of lemons and all that. So. Maybe...I just need to forget about the petty stuff mentioned above that's bogging me down. It's ridiculously un-life-altering. Actually, I suppose college is life-altering. But thinking about it isn't. Therefore, I'll try not to. It'll happen no matter what. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way though. Comforting? I guess. This is the worst entry I've ever posted. [Believe me, there's plenty that went un-posted.] It doesn't even make sense. Once again, I don't know.
Anyway. I'm done now, this has gone on long enough for tonight. I don't feel much better, typing all that. Maybe it's because I'm sleepy. My eyelids weigh a thousand pounds this evening. Or morning. Whichever 2 a.m. qualifies as. Within 173 seconds, I should be in bed. Me gusta."
Teenage angst at its finest. Funny isn't it? All that wasted worry. I needed to be told, "work in place of worry, faith in place of fear". Further examination reveals that it was written days after getting my wisdom teeth removed, and the drugs had not yet run out. and the pain OH the pain. I want to give birth just to cancel out the memory.
A few months later i told this story:
"Yesterday me and george occupied ourselves by jumping out of his 2nd-floor
bedroom window onto the trampoline. That was my rush for the day. Our neighbors, who don't speak much English, kept yelling and pointing at us, which was kind of bad since we didn't need our mom coming out and seeing what we were doing quite yet. Later on, we were sitting around the kitchen table, eating brownies, when suddenly through the window we see a body fall from the sky and land with a thud on the trampoline. It was Matt, who we thought was right in the next room, but had snuck upstairs and jumped out the window. It was actually the most hysterical thing ever, but...you had to be there.
It was as if he fell from heaven."
I remember it vividly, thanks to the power the written word has over my brain.
Heaven help my tired brain.